"Hotaru!" Ami surprised her as she ran through the palace halls, grabbing her by the arm and causing her to whip around in a tight circle. "Sorry." Ami let go of her arm and took her outfit in in surprise. "Where did you get that coat? It doesn't fit at all!"
"That's not important." Hotaru waved her hand in a brisk gesture. "I noticed that the crystal spires are darker--the blackness is spreading down them. I figured that couldn't mean anything good. Has something happened?"
Ami nodded. "Haruka and Michiru's questioning had given us a possibility. We had a meeting about it. We tried to call you, but you weren't anywhere to be found." Ami raised an eyebrow at Hotaru, but refrained from saying anything. "If we discount the attack on the palace, all of them were spread out in a circle from a certain part of Crystal Tokyo. We're going to go investigate that area tomorrow."
"Not tonight? I know it's dark, but this too important to put off, isn't it?"
"We're all too exhausted. Everyone but Makoto and Setsuna came out of the battle without serious injury, but we're too weak now to fight in the stronghold of this enemy, whoever it is."
Hotaru nodded with understanding. "Well, that makes sense. I should have thought of it myself."
"There's a briefing at breakfast in Serenity's chambers before we go. Don't miss it, hmm?" Ami gave another loaded look and left. Hotaru just stood there for a minute and thought. It sounded like tomorrow was going to be bad. She should get to bed early. But first she should see if Usagi was still up. She'd like to talk to her, if possible.
She walked down the hall again, still wrapped in Mark's trenchcoat. She was still flying high from their meeting. She had to see him again! Already she missed him. . .she'd call tomorrow, after she knew what was going on with the search for the enemy. It was the beginning of the weekend, so maybe they could meet for lunch or something. She slowed her stride as she came close to Usagi's room. She saw the light was on--it leaked through the crack under her rose quartz sheathed door. She raised her hand and knocked on the door.
"Usagi? Usagi? Can I talk to you?"
"Go away!"
"Please, Usagi! I'd really like to talk." She heard footsteps approach the door, and she took a little step back. The door jerked open to reveal a disheveled Usagi. Her hair was down in a tangled mess, and her face was streaked with tears.
"Why? Do you want to come in so you can yell at me again and call me a coward?"
Hotaru reined in her temper. After all, she was the adult here, Usagi was a teenager, younger than her mother had been when this responsibility had been forced on her. "I never called you a coward, Usagi. You were very brave. But I couldn't let you wallow in self-indulgence."
Usagi's face darkened and she started to shut her door, but Hotaru got her foot in before she succeeded. She hid most of her pain away as the door crushed her foot, and pushed with all of her might to open the door and force her way in. Usagi fought her for a while, then gave up and let go suddenly. Hotaru stumbled into the room, but managed to retain her balance. "Get out!" Usagi's fists were clenched tightly, and tears were welling up in her eyes again. "This is my room! I don't want to talk to you anymore!"
Hotaru bent over to look into Usagi's face, and Usagi stubbornly turned her head away. "Usagi. . .I'm sorry I hurt your feelings, but I can't allow you to depend on me like that--what happens if I'm ever captured by an enemy, and they try to ransom me? If you depended on me too much, you would give them anything to have me back. You are our Princess--our future queen. You have to be strong."
"But I thought you were my friend. Is that what friends do? Turn away or yell at you when you go to them for support?"
"Usagi. . ." Hotaru reached forward and turned her younger friend's face back toward her. She stared into Usagi's red eyes. "I will always support you, and I will always fight for you. I will die for you, and I will stay alive for you, but I will not be a crutch for you. I can't. We need you to be strong on you own, because we can't always be there." She saw understanding enter Usagi's eyes, but she still resisted Hotaru's explanation, still fought off the ideas Hotaru was trying to get through to her. Hotaru kept trying to get through to her younger friend. "There were a couple of battles that were almost lost because your mother depended too strongly on her senshi. If Mars hadn't been able to hold on long enough to get rid of the last youma before Sailor Moon got into D-point to fight Beryl, your mother would be dead. Or what about when she had to fight Sailor Galaxia? What if she'd been too heartbroken by her friends' deaths to continue?"
"So I'm not allowed to care about my friends now? In case they ever get hurt?"
"You know that's not what-"
"I don't care. I was just telling you how scared I was, and you pushed me away. Some friend!" Usagi turned away with an air of finality.
Hotaru reached out. "Usagi-"
"Go away!"
"Small Lady-"
"No!"
Hotaru crouched in the center of Usagi's room, frozen in place by the finality in the princess's voice. She looked at the stiff, stubborn arch of Usagi's back, waiting for it to soften, but it didn't. Finally she stood up with a faint rustle of cloth, her expression falling into despair. Usagi turned her head and looked into her face just as she was about to leave. Usagi looked a bit shocked at the look on Hotaru's face, and took a step forward, but when Hotaru slowly moved her hand out toward her friend, Usagi's eyes narrowed, and she stepped back with a small shake of her head. Hotaru felt as if her heart were breaking.
Usagi. So, I've really lost you. I can't deal with this. I--I can't!
Hotaru pulled her mask over her face, covering the vulnerable Hotaru with Lady Saturn. So be it. She had done her duty. That was poor comfort, but it was all she had. She turned without another word and left. As soon as she quietly shut the door behind her her mask slipped, and tears squeezed out, but she refused to sob. She slowly turned and walked through the dim corridors toward her room. The lamps were turned down low, and her shoes sent sharp, cold echoes back and forth as they tapped against the marble floor. She winced at each footfall as the loud crack shot through her head. The stars shone in the sky, twinkling. At first she imagined the twinkling was them laughing at her, but the light they shed was too emotionless for that.
She stopped at the end of the hallway that led to her room and stared out the large window. The edges of the panes were beveled, and let rainbows of moonlight and starlight in to dance on the stone and crystal walls and floor. She pulled a stray wisp of midnight hair out of her eyes and gazed sadly into the darkness. She was so isolated, wrapped tight in a velvet cocoon. She closed her eyes as the tears started to flow, and buried her face in her hands, still inside the too-long coat sleeves. As she sobbed quietly into her hands she took a deep breath and scented Mark's cologne again. With a sniff she slowly raised her head and turned her gaze to the moon. She scrubbed her eyes dry and straightened her shoulders. It was late. She should get to bed. She turned and began the last leg of her journey to her room.
She didn't think she could stay in the palace much longer with Usagi. She wanted to get farther away. Maybe Mako-chan really would let her stay in her house in town. A change of scenery would be nice now that things were so strained here, and then she wouldn't have to be so worried about Mark finding out she was lying. She would take care of that tomorrow.
She carefully pulled off Mark's coat and draped it on her chair, letting her fingers run across it with a wistful sigh. If she didn't have this coat, she'd probably be scared this whole evening had been a dream. She hurriedly got ready for bed. The sooner she fell asleep, the sooner it'd be tomorrow, and the sooner she could see Mark again.
With that pleasant thought she blew out her lamp and burrowed under the covers in the darkness to drift off to sleep.
*****